REVEALING PLAN WOULD RUIN IT, SAYS CAMERON

BRITAIN breathed a huge sigh of relief last night as Tory leader David Cameron said he had a plan.

Mr Cameron stressed he was still finalising the details of the plan but hinted it would involve 'character, judgement, that sort of thing'.
Party sources say the plan is currently hidden inside an empty fruit juice carton which is inside a fridge somewhere in central London.
But others claim the real plan is buried under the South Pole and harsh weather conditions mean it cannot be dug up until next spring.

As news of Mr Cameron's plan spread across the UK millions of worried citizens relaxed and returned to hammering their credit cards, safe in the knowledge it was already starting to work.

Elizabeth Allen, from Dorking, said: "David Cameron has a pleasant speaking voice, a decent chin and appears not to be Scottish, so I'm sure it's an excellent plan.

"Tom Logan, from Worcester, added: "Someone has finally had the courage to point out that we at least need to start thinking about sitting down and discussing the possibility of having a plan. That's the leadership I've been hungry for.

"But economist Julian Cook said: "I'd be interested to see this plan because according to my calculations, apart from not spending money that we don't have anyway, there's absolutely fuck all he can do."

The Daily Mash